Woes of a shitty mother

The title says it all.

My baby won’t sleep on his own. He cries when he’s not with me. He’s wearing out his teachers at school. He won’t take a pacifier. He doesn’t sleep through the night. He’s not crawling. He’s not cruising. He will only nap if I’m lying next to him. He will only sleep at night if I’m lying next to him. He can’t self-soothe.

It’s all my fault. I’m hindering his development. I haven’t taught him how to sleep. I don’t play with him enough. I don’t read to him enough. I don’t interact with him enough. I interact with him too much. He’s too dependent on me. I need to make him more independent. I need to respond to his needs more. I need to work on his motor skills more. I shouldn’t let him watch baby TV shows. I should feed him more solids. I should brush his teeth twice a day. I should take him for a walk every day.

My life would be so much easier if only I could get all the laundry done. If I could get the house cleaned. If I could create and stick to a weekly meal plan. If I could start and stick to an exercise routine. If I could get my life organized. If I could get a solid night of sleep every night. If I could get Bucko to take a nap by himself.

I feel like I can’t get anything done. My head hurts. It’s allergy season. I’m tired. Bucko is so needy. I’m so tired. Other moms make it all happen. Other moms can handle everything. I can’t. I don’t know how they do it. I’m a failure.

I suppose all moms have days like this, but today seems extra rough for some reason.

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7 thoughts on “Woes of a shitty mother

    • Ha! Thanks, Mom. But I have to admit, you seemed like you had your sh*t together when I was little. Of course, I was a kid, so I was probably pretty easy to fool. 😉

  1. This made me sad. 😦 I do hope that this was just a vent and that you feel better now, because I know what a wonderful mother you are, and I hope at heart you do too. Of course mom-guilt and worry are only natural, but Alex is such a delightful little boy, and I know that’s in very large part due to you. I’m sorry you’re down today; I sincerely hope it all improves. I think you are awesome!

    • Yes, I was just venting. Sorry for scaring everyone. (My mother-in-law even called me just to make sure I’m OK––which was very sweet and touching, although I really didn’t mean to worry anyone about my mental state!)

      I’m just feeling rather frustrated today. There’s a zillion things running through my head about stuff I should be doing/shouldn’t be doing and I don’t have the time/energy to attend to everything. I’ve been at this mom thing long enough to know that everything––EVERYTHING––is a phase and nothing will last forever, so I know I won’t be in this funk for much longer, but right now it is really bugging me.

      I understand why many parents choose to sleep train. It would make life SO much easier. But I really doubt my baby has the right temperament for it. Yes, he is a delightful baby, as long as we obey his commands.

      It probably doesn’t help that it’s the absolute worst weather outside today. Seriously, does it get worse than cold AND rainy? There’s nothing more miserable than a cold rain. Except when it’s cold, rainy, and windy––which it is, BTW. Already ruined an umbrella this morning. Awesome possum with extra awesome sauce. 😛

  2. I hope you just needed to vent. It takes time to adjust to motherhood and for child development. Don’t assume everything falls in place at a certain time. I’m still learning but things will get easier. I noticed a few things were easier with Wendy. 🙂

    • Thanks Amy! I would’ve responded earlier except I just found your comments…inexplicably, they were marked as “spam.” But fear not, you are definitely not spam! 🙂 It is heartening to know that things will get easier. I needed to hear that.

  3. I used to think that there were “wonder moms” out there and I always felt terrible, then I realized that I was putting them on a pedestal for no reason. I drive myself crazy trying to be a good mom, wife, grad student, teacher, etc. We all have those days. I have a 2yo who screams….I mean shrill, glass-breaking sort of screaming for no apparent reason other than 2 yo lack of communication skills and regulation of emotions. Ugh…stores, home, church…no place is sacred. I felt as if it is my fault, but know (actually am praying) that it is a phase. They are their own little people. We can train all we want, but their personalities ultimately win out. Hugs!

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